Introducing - If You’re Wondering About Throughout the years, The Skin Deep has provided a safe, non-judgmental space for real conversations thanks to the Emmy Award winning {THE AND} project. With over 1000 filmed videos, our library holds a great diversity of interactions from all over the world.
“If You’re Wondering About…” is a video series that collects moments about specific topics that were talked about within our deep catalogue of conversations. The vision of {THE AND} is to build a catalogue of humans expressing their experiences and what it means to be in relationship with one another in the 21st Century. We believe there is something to learn from everyone, and that one’s life experience shared can be medicine for another, and vice versa. Thus we are proud to share with you moments pulled from our {THE AND} library that reflect exploration around a particular subject or situation.
VIDEO
In This Episode
People discuss the challenge of overcoming addiction: how it impacts not only the individual but also those close to them, such as their family, partners, and friends. As we explore new perspectives we invite you to step into the emotional space of connection and experience the deeper lessons that shared experiences can afford humanity. To everyone who has participated openly and vulnerably in our project - we appreciate what you have shared with us and hope others do as well.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
There's going to be certain
people who will always judge
I think people think that
addiction is a weakness in character
and they don't understand
the complexity behind it and the disease
and just the struggle that it is
What is the one experience
you wished we never shared?
and you came and I was using
and I told you to leave so I could finish
You wish I wouldn't have left?
How come? - I don't know.
and I felt like you did that
You felt like I abandoned you? - A little.
A thing I wished I never shared?
I wish we never shared act of addiction.
Even though I wish that didn't happen.
I'm grateful for it. Because,
of what you went through. Right? - Right.
So I get to see the woman
you're becoming, and that's an amazing
we didn't have to share addiction.
and why do you think I do?
Um, I feel like you get me in
are what sometimes you don't always
And I know we've talked about this
panic attacks in bathrooms and...
That's gonna need some re-wiring.
Like, imagine being a kid
and you're in a fucking bathroom,
and you're just so overwhelmed with shame
and you're taking care of a 50 year old,
and everyone in the room is pitying you
because your parent's drunk at the party,
or you can't pay the fucking taxi cab.
I remember that episode, yeah.
And the man was screaming at me,
and I didn't know where your wallet was.
I didn't know how to pay the taxi cab.
Even if you don't always understand.
How- - No, I understand that.
How much gravity... - Yeah.
Because you have no control
You know, I do understand that
it was a terrible situation.
nothing I can do about that now.
putting out, I think, better
than there are bad memories.
What are you hesitant to tell me?
What am I hesitant to tell you?
established and confident
that no matter what happens to you,
And I think that there are some days
there are some days where I could say,
no matter what happens to you,
you know, I would be okay.
But there are other days, you know,
you know, you relapsing, but,
you know, going back to rehab
you know, I still have you in my life.
You know, I could deal with that.
to lose you like entirely,
I don't know that I could say
I always try to tell you that. Yow know?
am guilty of acting and talking as if,
no matter what, you know, I'll be okay.
And no, I don't think that's true every day.
when people worry about me,
and that's, like, my biggest thing.
That's why I didn't really tell you or
about, like, the bullying
or the drug use or any of that, because
that I can do it on my own,
and I don't like to put my burden
on other people. So, like.
Right now, the pain that you're feeling
was like me being in treatment, me
like addiction and recovery
and having to go through all of that.
I just wish I could just like,
you don't have to worry about me,
you know, like, I'm going to be fine.
I'll deal with it on my own.
And I think that that's probably the pain
that I'd want to take away
It's just like your constant worry
because I'm sure it's pretty hard
to just be like every day.
Oh, she could be doing this.
What if she's going to run away today?
What if she's going to use
and then having to deal with
the consequences of that? So
Well, relapse is a part of recovery.
it's funny when people say,
oh, Isa, she's going to be just fine.
And I'm like, how the hell do you know that?
Like, do you- you don't have a crystal ball.
What's something we carry
that we should both let go of?
I don't know if you carry it as heavy
and I haven't really asked you that,
I don't want to say the burden
but like just like the- the weight
of like trying to protect dad
and like the responsibility of,
like, obviously trying to care for his
not care for his addiction,
sometimes I feel like we carry
that responsibility on ourselves
when it's like, we can't do that.
a grown man and obviously like
like family is everything to us.
Yeah. - Like... we're Hispanic,
Like family is everything to us.
we have literally centered
dad and we've done that in the past.
like we carry each other's burdens
But I think like sometimes like
we do need to let go of that
Right. - It's so hard to- it's honestly
so hard to care for someone
that has a mental illness
and that has struggled with addiction.
But like we've all been through it
where it almost feels like we have that
that like no matter what,
like we have that codependence, if
our whole family is codependent
be there for him all the time,
but we don't, like, create
Do you- do you carry that?
I know you see it differently than I do.
Right? 'Cause I'm like- family is
everything and I mean, it is.
But we have to take care of like
and like what's good for us.
But yeah, I think that's like
that we do have to let go of.
or...? I know you see it differently so...
You don't have to answer.
Yeah, I don't want to. - Okay.
I don't know, bro. Just kidding.
but like I said, I've told you
many times for I think the timing is
meant to be when we were both fully
healed and ready to, like, go
like clean slate, obviously, to
the extent that we could.
building our relationship,
you healed a lot more and things.
But I think we're both healed enough
And now, yeah, the things that you've,
you've taught me in the last year
while it's- it's been an intense
you're definitely around to help
you've been through some shit.
You've been through all the,
So for me to feel like I'm going
through this intense learning
I think it's really good timing.
And that's kind of why it was now,
obviously there's like a million.
you've been able to give me as I'm
life throws at you when you're 25...
I don't- like it wouldn't matter what advice
I could give my 15 year old self if I couldn't-
while you were growing up, but I'd still
So it would have been pointless for me
Anyways, so yeah, I guess
it's just the way that you, maybe
the universe had it planned out, I guess.
Yeah, I mean, I think so.
I've always said that, again
if that sounds mean or not, but
you to be absent than to be, like,
I was a full assed alcoholic.
What has my sobriety taught you?
You've been a great sober buddy.
you get to try really hard,
but you don't have to be perfect,
times where I really feel like you're
at your sobriety than I am with mine.
it's, you know, it's taught me
to, you know, be kind with myself.
I think you have shown me
you do a lot more writing
So you've kind of been, like,
a good example, and just, like,
these are the things that you
you know, that you do to stay sane,
because I watch you trying to stay sane,
I should do those things too
because there was a while where
where you weren't sober, and I was like,
I was like, genuinely scared about that.
And so I think the, the biggest thing
that your sobriety has shown me
at first I don't know what's going to happen,
if you were going to get sober,
like when it was going to happen.
is it going to be a few more years
of drinking before she decides
she wants to get sober again?
what's going to happen and that-
It's just like so possible,
Like, I feel like you came from like,
not really wanting to, to,
you know, being an example,
a great example of sobriety
you know, that I was like, oh, wow.
about this with you before.
I was like, I don't think she can do it.
And then you totally have,
that there's no amount of, like,
you know, mental health issues or trauma
there's nothing that can really stop you
if you really want to get sober,
because one day you just woke up
and you decided you wanted to get sober
you know, and like I said,
but you work hard at it, and
Like, it's pretty simple.
Like, it's like you simplified it for me
because I've been like, oh, wow.
you can decide you're going to
get other people on your team
to help you be accountable.
And then you can work on yourself
and do the work that it requires,
you know, to have sobriety and
that's it's as simple as that.
And you've really- you've done that.
And that's- you bring me a lot of strength
and hope on that front. - Aw, buddy.
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