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In This Episode
Couples talk with their respective partners about the trials and tribulations of marriage and how all of that is worth it when you find the one to love forever and share life with.
Transcript
0:02
Why did you marry me?
0:06
Ever since I was little,
0:09
I dreamed up like this perfect person
0:12
for me.
0:13
And of course, like that
0:14
changed a little bit over time.
0:16
And then I found it
0:17
in you. And I just could see
0:21
because throughout your life
0:22
like the love you have changes
0:25
and the relationship you have changes
0:26
and the people change.
0:28
But
0:31
trying to foresee
0:32
that as practically as I could,
0:34
I didn't see a moment
0:35
where we would fall out of love,
0:37
you know?
0:38
So even if we both change and
0:41
you and I change a lot.
0:43
Yeah, we do change a lot.
0:43
We adapt a lot,
0:45
and we're also best friends.
0:46
So I just couldn't foresee a time
0:48
where we would want
0:50
to, like, get a divorce
0:51
or not work through something.
0:53
And I just thought
0:54
that was really important.
0:55
So when I saw that, I was like,
0:57
I could see this for decades, you know?
1:00
And I have no doubt in my mind that
1:03
there wouldn’t be an obstacle
1:06
we couldn't overcome.
1:13
What does 'happy marriage' means to you,
1:18
and what do you think is our biggest obstacle
1:21
to get there?
1:23
To me being happily married
1:27
is when we're committed
1:28
to making each other
1:29
happy it's
1:30
when we're like working to...
1:33
to making sure that
1:36
that I see that smile
1:38
in the morning, in the afternoon
1:39
and at night.
1:41
To me, being happily
1:43
married means how much can I give?
1:45
Like yesterday
1:46
we had a question about this.
1:48
We’re talking about sacrifice,
1:49
how much you're sacrificing.
1:52
And, man, it's about
1:55
making those sacrifices
1:56
and being happy about them.
1:58
That's tough.
1:59
Sometimes I just want to be in
2:00
my man cave
2:02
and you're like, Oh, let's watch a movie.
2:04
Let's spend time, let’s walk-
2:05
Yeah.
2:06
And I'm just like, I'm tired.
2:07
I just came from work. Just
2:10
read the news.
2:12
But I know the only way that
2:15
I'm going to have a happy
2:16
marriage is by giving
2:17
and giving and giving more.
2:20
Our greatest obstacle?
2:22
For me,
2:22
my greatest obstacle
2:23
to get towards getting there is
2:26
I just got to stop being selfish,
2:29
you know,
2:30
and constantly reminding myself
2:32
no, Ramon, like, You don't live alone now.
2:35
There's another person in the house,
2:37
you know, and um...
2:40
and I think for me,
2:42
it's just be conscious
2:43
of how selfish I can be.
2:46
I feel like
2:46
if anything came out of this experience
2:49
is that if we can show other people that
2:54
finding the right person is worth it,
2:56
you know what I mean?
2:57
That they shouldn't settle for
3:00
if they don't have
3:01
what they really want, they shouldn't
3:02
just settle.
3:04
Because I
3:04
feel like a lot of people, wow,
3:06
that kind of relationship really exist.
3:07
I- to me it's just a normal relationship.
3:10
I feel like
3:11
we're just
3:11
a good match in many,
3:13
many ways, in almost every way.
3:15
So we work hard at our relationship,
3:19
but it's not like,
3:20
Oh, so horrible
3:22
to work at our relationship.
3:23
I think we just
3:25
go, you know, we get through the
3:29
The kinks. - The roadblocks or whatever
3:31
and we keep going
3:32
because we love each other.
3:33
We really want to be together.
3:34
So for other people,
3:35
is like ‘Wow, they.
3:36
they have honesty’ or whatever it is
3:38
that they see in our relationship.
3:40
If that means that
3:41
they will find a person like that
3:43
or they will look or they will be open
3:46
to that kind of relationship,
3:48
I think that's a positive thing.
3:50
I hear you. I hear you.
3:52
But I think a lot of
3:52
it has to do
3:53
before our relationship started,
3:55
I think that's where the work started.
3:56
Knowing what you want,
3:58
what you want to go for. Do you know what I mean?
4:01
I guess.
4:02
For you, yeah, but not for me.
4:04
So how did you end up with me?
4:07
Explain.
4:11
You don't remember how many people
4:12
I've dated?
4:13
Like every week.
4:15
All of
4:15
the state of New York and part of D.C.
4:18
and some other states.
4:22
I think yeah, that's pretty much- um...
4:24
because I.
4:25
So the difference between us,
4:27
you knew what you wanted
4:28
and you were like,
4:28
nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
4:30
Oh, okay. For me,
4:31
I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay.
4:35
And then I met you.
4:36
It was a pleasant surprise, that's all,
4:38
because I didn't know I could, like,
4:42
have that kind of relationship.
4:44
Now, being married, marriage is
4:47
no joke, and it's not easy.
4:49
So you have these moments
4:51
sometimes, I'll be honest.
4:53
I've had moments sometimes where
4:54
I'm like,
4:56
Are we really about to do this?
4:58
Are we really going down this path?
4:59
Are we getting deeper into this?
5:01
Is this you know,
5:02
I've had those thoughts
5:04
because we’ll have a disagreement
5:05
about something.
5:07
But then I realize, like, okay,
5:08
it’s just not that serious.
5:10
Yeah.
5:11
And I think that might be
5:12
the selfish part that's in me
5:15
because I was my own person before you.
5:20
And so but now I don't ever
5:22
I don't really ever consider
5:24
you not being a part of my life.
5:29
How do you think we have changed
5:30
the most since getting married?
5:32
I really, genuinely think we argue less
5:38
because
5:39
since we got married,
5:39
the sequence of events have been, well,
5:42
our court
5:43
marriage was 2018,
5:44
and our Indian wedding was last year, 2019.
5:46
Which marriage are you talking about?
5:48
So I usually consider the court
5:50
wedding, the city hall wedding
5:51
as the wedding. - Okay.
5:51
So whichever it is,
5:53
I generally feel
5:54
we argue less
5:55
because I feel like
5:56
we're more of one team.
5:58
I don't mind arguing,
5:59
but I don't want that argument
6:01
to carry for the rest of the day. I mean- - That’s what I’m saying.
6:02
And that's something
6:02
I don’t want to be in a bad mood.
6:03
Yeah, but we know. - ‘Cause I'm selfish
6:05
because I'm like,
6:05
I don't want to be in a bad mood,
6:06
but I kind of want to make my point
6:08
and I don't think
6:09
I don't mind debating it,
6:10
but then I don't want to walk away from
6:12
that debate thinking like
6:14
for the rest of the day being like, shit,
6:16
I have to like. - Yeah, you have to like-
6:19
Get my brain back together.
6:21
When do you feel the closest to me
6:24
and why?
6:30
Whenever
6:32
we have
6:33
those conversations where we like,
6:36
it's almost like
6:38
like a reset button.
6:41
Like, I feel like we'll go a few days
6:43
and like your battery drains
6:44
because we both
6:45
put a lot in the relationship and then
6:49
we'll get into
6:49
like some really stupid argument.
6:52
And then
6:53
by the end of it, we spend like an hour
6:57
getting like really deep
6:59
and we do it like once a week at least.
7:02
Yeah.
7:03
It, like, charges us for like a whole week.
7:05
Yeah.
7:05
And then like set us up
7:06
for the whole next week. - Yeah.
7:08
Those are the conversations
7:09
where I realize like, wow,
7:10
this person really loves me
7:11
and cares about me
7:13
because we open up so much.
7:15
I think.
7:16
I think the
7:17
why that's like I feel like it's
7:19
so important to both of us
7:21
is that we're also
7:21
like very best friends.
7:22
Like we like, talk and hang out
7:25
and like goof around like a best friends,
7:27
you know?
7:28
And then we forget, like, we're
7:29
fucking married sometimes. - Yeah.
7:30
And then, like, we're like, wow,
7:32
I'm married to this person.
7:33
Randomly,
7:34
I just remember that,
7:35
oh, she's also my life.
7:37
And then, like,
7:37
I can talk to her about anything
7:39
and like, like, I can love her too,
7:42
you know?
7:43
And I think- I think that is crazy.
7:44
I think that's
7:45
when we realized that like.
7:46
Wow. - Yeah.
7:49
Look what we have here.
7:54
How do you love me?
7:55
How do I love you?
7:56
Let me count the ways. - Oh, wow.
8:00
I love you because
8:01
I am married to for 45 years
8:03
and we have two beautiful sons together
8:07
and we've grown over the years
8:10
and we understand one another.
8:13
We have accomplish a lot together
8:15
being married.
8:16
Yeah.
8:17
And even we had downfalls or not
8:19
good times in our life.
8:21
We were still there for one another.
8:24
Through thick and thin.
8:24
And through sickness and death
8:27
we are there for one another.
8:28
Yeah. Yeah.
8:29
We help each other
8:29
ahead and wipe the tears.
8:32
So that's
8:34
how that's how I love you.
8:37
Because you were there for me
8:38
whenever. You bring me lunch at work.
8:41
You’re like: ‘What do you want?’ You bring me lunch.
8:43
What do I need?
8:44
What should we take out?
8:46
Things.
8:46
The little things you do
8:48
Is the little things you do. - I always do little things.
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