In This Video
Joanne (she/her) and Ahmad (he/him) broke up a year ago and took the decision to stay friends. They still care a lot about each other and look out for one another. They entered {THE AND} space to talk about memories, and lingering feelings from the romantic relationship, as well as the challenges they are facing in their current friendship.
VIDEO
Transcript
If you could go back to the first time
about being in a relationship with me,
what would it be and why?
Run, girl, run! - Oh my God!
obviously at the time that I met you...
Like, obviously, in the beginning
I didn't want the relationship.
But as I spent time with you
and I grew feelings for you,
I wanted the relationship,
and you just weren't there.
So I feel like at times I was fighting
for a relationship that you did not want.
And then as time went on,
then you decided to fight
And I kind of like zoned out
So even when we did end up trying,
you know, yeah, it was a mess. - it was a mess.
- It was a lot. I completely understand that. - Yeah, so...
just tell her, just leave from the moment
started, just girl, run fast.
I would say lean in. For me,
I think not being scared.
You know, relationships or fear of love.
you know, they're trying to show you
You know, allow yourself to receive it.
in a place to really receive it
because I didn't know what
how to receive love in that way.
And just having somebody, you know, that,
you know, wanting something from me out
You know, a lot of people,
things for their own malicious reasons
and I'm more used to that
as opposed to just, you know, people
just wanting to be around you.
So I would definitely say
just lean in more, you know,
go- really just go with the journey.
let it take you wherever it's going to go.
describe our relationship to others?
It’s its own unique thing,
is something that we figured out
We can't always explain it to people,
It's like- it's like we had a friend.
and they know what you're saying
I think for us that's kind of how it is,
we’re still figuring out, like how that works,
you know, with friendship and just,
you know, post everything with life.
Just trying to maneuver it on our own
see fit and is comfortable for us.
I agree. - What about you?
I think it's very unordinary, to say
Obviously, we're not together anymore,
but we care about each other a lot.
Some people have disagreements
to speak outside of the relationship.
you, both understand where we are.
So I think that's all that matters.
what we decide to continue
to do versus the outside world.
I agree. It’s for us to decide on that one
What’s one experience you wish we never had.
One experience I wish we never had
I feel like that was the worst time ever,
because, you know... - Yeah.
Pretty much, you know. You went- Well,
you invited me to go out and celebrate
and you had another female friend
with you and very all over you.
and apparently you guys kissed.
And when I questioned you about it,
because I planned so much
Obviously, we stayed together that night.
And you still, like, lidy next to me and
And then you continued to
lie like a week later still.
And then decided to finally
like you know, admit to me
And even when you admitted to me, you didn’t
even allow me time to process the situation,
you're just like, “Oh, I did this.”
And like, “Joanne forgive me.”
so I feel like you just didn't
give me the space, you know?
when it comes to relationship, like,
when we first started dating and,
you know, that doesn't excuse it,
I didn't set the right boundaries.
I wasn't paying attention.
You know, I allowed certain things
in my space that I shouldn’t have
and to this day tha’s my-
you know, if I had any regrets
Not probably. That's the biggest one
literally that day changed the whole
outcome for everything else.
why, you know, certain feelings have not,
you know, we haven't got past certain things.
I kinda understand why not certain resolutions.
you may not ever want to be together
You know I get it. You know me.
I'm a very understanding person
and I gave you time to heal and,
you know, do what you got to do.
I was, you know, screwing up stuff
and not really in the right mind.
So, that's it for me. - Yeah.
That's the experience for sure.
Why do you think we are still friends?
Um, ‘cause I think at the end of the day,
you know, you know my heart.
And I know your heart. And I think also, like
going to come to each other's rescue,
you know what I'm saying?
Like we really, really need it.
Like is, you know, that’s just what it is.
that's the choice that we made,
That's the choice that we decided
even if we're not able to be
with each other in this capacity,
come out of this, you know what I mean?
So I believe that that's why we're still,
For me, I think the same thing.
Could it be a little codependent?
Maybe a little bit. - Yeah.
So, I don't know, I guess
just navigating through the circumstances
and just having better boundaries
if you decide to start dating
or if I decide, you know, to go
we have to be respectful of whoever
the next individual will be in our lives, so...
I don't think we have been you know,
codependent. You said before, I don't know
necessarily think is codependency,
the best out of each other.
Like I feel like you hit like another level.
Of you being able to be vocal,
you being able to put your foot down,
you being able to set boundaries
and then loving yourself.
us being the type of people
that we overextend for other people,
have seen that in each other
wanting to help us realize, okay,
well, let's take time for each other.
So at the end of the day, we both
I believe respect that about each other.
And we just, you know, we're
just trying to figure it out, you know?
What are you hesitant to tell me
I'm very hesitant to share with you that,
don't know if we would be able
to, like, rekindle anything.
I do feel like that you want that.
but I do feel like down the line
Um, and I love you a lot.
Like, obviously you know that,
but you know, it's hard to get past
that happened in our relationship
and obviously where we are now.
Yeah, I understand that and I accept that.
always pretty open with you.
So I understand that. I'm not-
I won't necessarily say hopeful, but,
you know, you don't know.
You know, you don't know.
So I guess just the not knowing
does- it kinda annoys me sometimes, but,
you know, I'm always open
I always tell you what’s up.
Yeah. - That's just how I’ve always been.
I mean, at the end of the day,
that’s it really. That’s it.
What do you feel is the biggest challenge
to our relationship right now
and what should we do about it?
Um, I think just, I think it's
still like some resentment
or I think it's still some lingering
until we're able to, you know,
I think for me, you know,
it’s the reconciliation- being able
to reconcile about some things
and come to peace and forgiveness
So for me, that's the main thing.
And I think that's the hardest thing.
sometimes because, you know, you’re adamant on
There's nothing wrong with that.
how I feel like both of us
feeling like maybe we didn't
get a chance to speak our mind
I have to say how I feel, like
And I know you being a person
not a very vocal person to now
you are vocal like you have to say
because you don't want to be, you know,
looked over or anything like that.
because obviously at times,
like I would try to talk to you
so like your voice had to be heard.
And when I tried to express
you know, was kind of like
So now, like, obviously, you know, at times
because it's like, you're not listening.
I need you to listen to what I'm saying.
I think just a lot of different
and I feel like I've been trying
and I feel like you don't want that,
you know, or you're not willing to
little slick remarks, Oh, my gosh,
‘til you get a man, so you can leave me alone.
And, you know, stuff like that.
And that's hurtful. You laughing.
because I genuinely want,
you know, to be your friend and,
but sometimes I just don't
maybe that's not in our story, you know?
I'm always open to being your friend.
I think for me just still dealing with,
you know, just like you might be dealing
with from a relationship.
you know, things that I struggle with.
I think still having some of that
in the back of my mind is like,
okay, well, I don't want to put my
my feelings are still sensitive,
So I'm still trying to figure out how to,
you know, how to kind of walk that line.
And, you know, that's not normal.
It's not always normal, but, you know,
that's for us to figure out.
now where I just kind of just go with it
like I just go wherever it goes.
So, that’s where I’m at. - Okay.
because you are always there for me.
Literally will drop anything at the moment
that I call you like to rescue me.
Like even when I was having bad cycles,
you would literally come bring me soup
So you just love me the way that you do
it makes me want to love you
and just be there for you
because you extended yourself to me.
So I want to do the same.
If this were to be our last
what would you never want me to forget?
and that I want the best for you, you know?
At the end of the day that’s it.
You know, and I'm- I know you gave-
I accept all that you given.
I recognize all the work that you bring.
sometimes you don't think that I do,
but I see everything that you done.
I know that you tried your best,
with it. So... - I agree.
And that I obviously want
the best version of yourself.
I want you to fight for yourself.
And I just want you to know that I love you.
Thanks so much for watching.
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